Here I Am
2024 holds a unique place in my life as I will celebrate 10 years* cancer free. I have said over the last 10 years that while the cancer is gone, the shadow of cancer never left. It’s not a shadow of anxiety or worry that it may come back, but more of a present reminder of what I’ve been through, what I’ve learned, how I’ve matured in my faith, a reminder of my mortality, and the great grace the Lord has given me in keeping me here on this earth for this time. It’s a humbling reminder of how blessed I’ve been these past 10 years. I look at 2024 with a smile in my soul for all God has done and an eagerness for what God has ahead.
As 2024 started, I contemplated each milestone of 10 years ago from my seizure at the start of the year, the many doctor appointments, the diagnosis appointment, the first brain surgery, the second brain surgery, the start of radiation and chemo, to the end of radiation and chemo into recovery. As I thought about this life-changing year, the Lord reminded me of another year of significance, the year 2012. He strategically used that year, and a specific prayer that year to prepare me for 2014. The Lord and I had a very frank conversation in 2012 about life, where life was going, and how God wanted to work in my life. He knew I was in it for the long-run, but was I really in for whatever He might have in store for the faithful life in the future? 2012 was my “Here I am!” year! The year when I gave up my plans and desires, allowing Him to work as He plans and desires.
I reflected on my own “Here I am!” year, and was reminded of a massive and far more poignant “Here I am!” moment in the Bible, that of the prophet Isaiah.
I can hardly summarize the beauty of this calling of Isaiah in Isaiah 6 and I highly suggest you take a moment to read through the chapter and his vision of God and Heaven. Here in Isaiah 6, Isaiah gets his call to be a prophet of the Lord. He is in the temple, Heaven, seeing and hearing angels calling out “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory!” He looks around in wonder and beyond the angels he sees God Himself sitting on his throne.
In awe, Isaiah feels absolutely unworthy to be in the presence of the Lord. “What am I doing here?”, he must have thought to himself. All of a sudden, the Lord says to all in His throne room, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?” Instantaneously without a thought in his mind, Isaiah cries out to God, “Here am I! Send me!”
Isaiah’s “Here am I” declaration comes from a heart eager to do whatever God calls him to. Isaiah’s future is to call Israel back to the Lord, to live a life of loneliness and rejection by Israel, and to end his ministry and life being sawed in half.
I am sure as he was waiting to be executed that he thought back to his “Here I am!” moment. He did not know each detail of the life ahead, but he knew he was all in for whatever God had in store for him. Even as waited for his execution, the words still echoed in his soul, “Here am I! Send me!”
“Here I am!” means
a heart fully devoted to the Lord.
a heart willing to sacrifice for the Lord’s purposes
a heart ready to go wherever the Lord calls
a heart sold out and committed to the Lord
a heart focused and centered on Him
a heart that lives knowing our best days are yet to come in the presence of Christ
It would be two years before my “Here I am!” prayer came to fruition and God’s purposes in my own trials, but I was astonished when I realized the connection of 2012 and 2014 and how God was using my situation for purposes far beyond myself. It was never about me and all about Him.
The goal of this post is not about my experiences in 2012 and my “Here I am!” moment. You may look back to your past and see your own “Here am I” moment. God is always working in our lives to bring about His purposes and He may be working right now for something that may occur later. Of course, He is always working to bring us closer and closer to Him. I long for the day to see the throneroom of God and to finally see what Isaiah saw.
Praying for you!